Sir Fauntleroy
2005-05-03 18:12:15 UTC
Found this (college?) report in archive.org. Of particular interest, the
description of the saracens. I thought this was a pejorative term for middle
easterners?
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If you left your castle for more than a week, on a quest or maybe to attend
the Pentecostal festivities, several things would happen. First, every evil
Baron in the kingdom would raid your castle looking for documents (Barons
love documents for some reason). They are especially fond of land titles or
ownership papers, because Barons are always interested in the acquisition of
more land. Why this is, nobody knows for sure. Barons are, for the most
part, homosexual bachelors. They have no kin or nuclear families for whom
they needed more land.... they simply want more land. Nobody really knows
why for sure, except for the barons.
Secondly, saracens would invade the castle and build nests to procreate
in. Saracens are hideous winged creatures with protruding, fanged mouths,
bull-like horns, glowering eyes, and sizable, razor sharp claws. Try to
imaging a cross between a praying mantis, a bat, and a veloci raptor.
Terrible terrible things, these saracens. Saracens are sentient and can
display human intelligence, like Sir Palomides the saracen from King
Arthur's court.
After the saracens come griffins and weaverns. A griffin is a cross
between a lion and a falcon, a weavern is a cross between a dragon and a
basilisk. The point is that each of these creatures, like the saracens, are
winged, nest building, egg laying, reeking villains. The only difference is
that griffins and weaverns are not sentient, so they sh-- and pi-- all over
the place, too. Think of the saracens as unwanted guests who come for the
weekend and eat all your food, but don't really put you out all that much.
Think of the griffins and weaverns as party guest who totally demolish your
house and have to be driven out if they are expected to leave.
Next, Romans and possibly giants come in to pillage any weaponry that
might be laying around. The questing beast might make an appearance, too.
Finally, if you're really lucky, a dragon will move in and you won't
discover him until you go down to your cellar to retrieve a bottle of wine
or some ice. The dragon generally uses the cellar of a castle for
hibernation. He can only be slain by a very brave knight, but will usually
just leave if you ask him too. The other villainy must be fought and driven
out of the house. Griffins usually scurry away when you attack. Weaverns
will put up a fight, but usually nothing a gentleman warrior cannot handle.
Saracens, on the other hand, will charge in packs if spooked. They are very
protective of their young and suspicious of humans, so beware of them. If
it's saracens, you should probably bring a posse with you, and come heavily
armed. Romans are, for the most part, as weak and wimpish as Cornish
knights. Giants are difficult to drive out, but they can usually be
outwitted.
description of the saracens. I thought this was a pejorative term for middle
easterners?
-------------------------------------------
BEGIN PASTE
-------------------------------------------
If you left your castle for more than a week, on a quest or maybe to attend
the Pentecostal festivities, several things would happen. First, every evil
Baron in the kingdom would raid your castle looking for documents (Barons
love documents for some reason). They are especially fond of land titles or
ownership papers, because Barons are always interested in the acquisition of
more land. Why this is, nobody knows for sure. Barons are, for the most
part, homosexual bachelors. They have no kin or nuclear families for whom
they needed more land.... they simply want more land. Nobody really knows
why for sure, except for the barons.
Secondly, saracens would invade the castle and build nests to procreate
in. Saracens are hideous winged creatures with protruding, fanged mouths,
bull-like horns, glowering eyes, and sizable, razor sharp claws. Try to
imaging a cross between a praying mantis, a bat, and a veloci raptor.
Terrible terrible things, these saracens. Saracens are sentient and can
display human intelligence, like Sir Palomides the saracen from King
Arthur's court.
After the saracens come griffins and weaverns. A griffin is a cross
between a lion and a falcon, a weavern is a cross between a dragon and a
basilisk. The point is that each of these creatures, like the saracens, are
winged, nest building, egg laying, reeking villains. The only difference is
that griffins and weaverns are not sentient, so they sh-- and pi-- all over
the place, too. Think of the saracens as unwanted guests who come for the
weekend and eat all your food, but don't really put you out all that much.
Think of the griffins and weaverns as party guest who totally demolish your
house and have to be driven out if they are expected to leave.
Next, Romans and possibly giants come in to pillage any weaponry that
might be laying around. The questing beast might make an appearance, too.
Finally, if you're really lucky, a dragon will move in and you won't
discover him until you go down to your cellar to retrieve a bottle of wine
or some ice. The dragon generally uses the cellar of a castle for
hibernation. He can only be slain by a very brave knight, but will usually
just leave if you ask him too. The other villainy must be fought and driven
out of the house. Griffins usually scurry away when you attack. Weaverns
will put up a fight, but usually nothing a gentleman warrior cannot handle.
Saracens, on the other hand, will charge in packs if spooked. They are very
protective of their young and suspicious of humans, so beware of them. If
it's saracens, you should probably bring a posse with you, and come heavily
armed. Romans are, for the most part, as weak and wimpish as Cornish
knights. Giants are difficult to drive out, but they can usually be
outwitted.